My New Friends Aren't Christians
I've had the same group of Christian friends for a long time. But when I started high school, I felt like I was outgrowing them. I was feeling more and more unhappy and depressed at not having really good friends. Then I got involved in the school musical and made some new, more mature friends. They make me feel good about myself, and I'm much happier being with them. The problem is, they aren't Christians, and they sometimes do things they shouldn't do, like swear. I know they're not helping me grow closer to God. I don't want to cut off my new friendships, but I don't want to lose my relationship with God either. What can I do?

High school tends to be a time when old friendships change and new ones develop. And it's perfectly natural and normal for you to feel close to these new friends from the musical. Because of the long hours spent in rehearsals and the intensity of performing together, drama and music students often become close-knit friends.

But I wouldn't give up on your Christian friends, either. You may be "outgrowing" a few of them, but some of them might still be a positive influence for you. This is important, because you're going to become like the friends you spend the most time with. So you need to carefully watch how your new friends are affecting you. If you find yourself starting to swear or lose interest in your faith, you'll obviously want to cut down on the amount of time you spend with them. And you'll want to increase the time you spend with Christian friends.

Some students who participate in activities where there aren't a lot of Christians find it helpful to join a Christian club or fellowship group. This kind of group helps keep them strong in their faith and holds them accountable for their actions. Try to find that smaller group of mature Christians who can help you grow in your faith and at the same time influence you with positive Christian actions. I think you'll find these mature Christian friends are a lot of fun to be around, too.

I like this reminder from the Bible: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Colossians 3:17). If you're willing to put God first as you make decisions about your life and your lifestyle, then I think you'll make the right decisions about friendships. And you could even lead some of your new friends to Christ as you live a life that honors him. I hope you'll do whatever it takes to keep the Lord at the center of your life.

Jim Burns is an author, speaker and longtime youth worker. He's also the founder of HomeWord (homeword.com), a group seeking to honor God by building strong families.

Q. I'm tired of hearing about love all the time. I guess that's because nothing romantic has ever worked out for me. Girls are always telling me what a great friend I am, but no one ever seems interested in being more than friends. I would give just about anything to not even want a girlfriend or a wife someday. Why can't I just be happy with God's eternal, unconditional love? Shouldn't that be enough?

A. If you read the first chapters of Genesis, you'll find the answer to your question. Adam had God's company, but nevertheless something was lacking. God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18, NIV). The Creator designed us for human companionship. Something deep inside us longs for the partnership of the opposite sex.

At the same time, we don't live in the Garden of Eden. Relationships are difficult. We don't often get exactly what we long for. Most people experience struggle and loneliness, at least at times. You are certainly not the only one.

Still, good things can come out of those times of struggle and loneliness—like maturity, patience and hope. This is what Paul explains in Romans 5:3-4: "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (NIV). For you, the challenge is to hang in there, not to become bitter and hopeless.

I encourage you to resist the temptation to be bitter. Keep your sense of humor and maintain a positive outlook. Don't let your disappointment ruin friendships. Be grateful that people call you a great friend!

It's likely you'll find love someday. And if you don't find that kind of love? Then God can provide other joys. You can count on him to take care of you. That's fundamentally what this discussion comes to: trusting him, whether or not things turn out the way you plan.

Q: I understand the Bible doesn't approve of homosexuality, but how do I treat my friends who are homosexual? What do I tell them? How do I explain to non-Christians that I believe this is wrong without being a jerk?

A: Christians have difficult decisions to make in friendships because we are called to do two things: 1) love people and 2) stand for what the Bible says. What do we do about people who don't live in the way God wants us to?

In a way, it's simple: Show them the same love and respect that Christ would show them. Jesus is down on sin, but not down on sinners. All people have sin in their lives, but that doesn't mean they have less worth to God. So no matter what sin people are involved in, they're still worth God's love. I would treat your homosexual friends the same way you would treat heterosexual friends who are sexually active. You can show love to someone without approving of what they do.

My friend Bill is a practicing homosexual. Shortly after Bill confided in me about his lifestyle, I invited him to lunch. Even though I disagreed with his lifestyle choice, I wanted to communicate that we could still hang out together. When Bill asked me about my beliefs on homosexuality, I shared that I believe the Bible is God's Word and has 17 references to sexual sin. I made sure to point out to Bill that just three of these references are about homosexuality. That doesn't mean God isn't concerned about homosexuality, but just that homosexuality isn't worse than other sexual sin. It's all sin.

What was fascinating was that Bill asked me to find those references (Romans 1:18-32, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 and 1 Timothy 1:9-11) so he could look them up. After he read them, he wanted to talk more about it. Bill hasn't changed his lifestyle, but he knows that I value our friendship. When he's been open, I've shared testimonies of people who have come out of a homosexual lifestyle and are now happily married with children. He knows where I stand, but he is willing to have these conversations because he knows I care about him.

As you are showing friendship and God's love to a homosexual friend, be sure to also talk about it with a trusted Christian adult to 1) make sure you're handling it in a mature and loving way and 2) see if there's anything else you can do. For example, I always suggest that people who are confused about sexual identity talk with a trusted Christian counselor. Sometimes, friends who think they might be homosexual really may just be very confused about their sexuality. I find that many people who are sexually abused or come from families with an abusive or absent father figure sometimes confuse thoughts of homosexuality with other issues in their lives.

Maybe you won't feel comfortable trying to help your friends right away. And that's OK. The best thing you can do is to be their friend while still being honest about what you believe. And this principle should apply to any friendship we have with a non-Christian.

Jim is an author, speaker and longtime youth worker. He's also the founder of HomeWord (homeword.com), a group seeking to honor God by building strong families.

My Friend Is Gay
I recently faced a dilemma: A friend of mine has come out of the closet about being a homosexual. He says he's been gay since he was 12, and now he's almost 18. Although my friend became a Christian five months ago, it hasn't changed his sexual orientation. My problem is, I don't know how to approach him in a kind, loving manner and tell him what the Bible says about homosexuality. What can I do?

You do have a difficult dilemma. Homosexuality is a very complicated and misunderstood issue. We, as Christians, have not done a very good job of presenting biblical truth in a kind, loving manner. Many Christians have either made fun of homosexuals or have been mean to them. Neither of these methods will ever bring the love of God to anyone.

The dilemma we have lies in the fact that the Bible is quite clear in regard to sexual sin. And that's any sexual sin—not just homosexuality. It's interesting that there are at least 17 references to different types of sexual sin in the Bible, and only three (or at most five, depending on your interpretation) of those references deal with homosexuality.

So, according to the Bible, there is no big difference between the sin of homosexuality and any other sexual sin—premarital sex, for instance. The word sin in Greek, the language the New Testament was written in, literally means to "miss the mark." And all sexual sin is missing the mark of God's standards.

From my experience, I'd guess about 10 percent of the youth population has struggled with what we call gender identity confusion. Your friend is not alone in his struggles. However, I am also convinced that most people who believe they are homosexual are not. Let me give you some important information on homosexuality.

Sexual abuse is a key factor in homosexuality. Studies show that as many as 58 percent of homosexuals have experienced some kind of sexual abuse as children. Many others who call themselves homosexual were either physically or emotionally abused. Also, many homosexuals suffer from sexual addiction. With the ease of obtaining pornographic materials from the Internet, videos and magazines, some people experiment with homosexual behavior because of what they've seen and read.

A lot of Christians, including myself, believe that homosexual behaviors are preventable and treatable. Many people who experiment with homosexual behaviors are simply confused. Although the issues can be complicated, young people who struggle with homosexuality can move on to a healthy heterosexual marriage with the help of good Christian counseling.

I would also ask your friend to call Exodus International, a Christian organization committed to helping free people from a homosexual lifestyle. The telephone number of Exodus is 260-784-7799.

From my own experience talking with students, I would guess that your friend has a great a deal of sexual identity confusion. Since your friend has recently become a Christian, I think that if he wants to, he will be able to seek the truth about his sexuality and receive the help he needs. Your job is to do what you said you could do: Be kind and loving, yet share your understanding of Scripture.

One thing we know about those who struggle with this issue is, the earlier they can get help, the easier it is to live a lifestyle that is glorifying to God. Please know it is never too late to get help and never too early to make wise and godly decisions about our sexuality. I commend you for caring for your friend in such a sensitive way.

Jim Burns is an author, speaker and longtime youth worker. He's also the founder of HomeWord (homeword.com), a group seeking to honor God by building strong families.